10 Common Sex Toy Mistakes and How to Avoid Them

Hi, I’m Dr. Rachel Sommer—a clinical sexologist with over a decade of experience helping people feel more confident, connected, and curious in the bedroom. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my clients, my inbox, and late-night conversations with friends, it’s this: sex toys can seriously enhance your pleasure, but they can also come with a surprising number of pitfalls.

Pleasure is supposed to be fun—but no one talks about the awkward stuff that happens along the way.

I’ve seen it all—overheated motors, mysterious rashes, broken trust, and more batteries than a remote control graveyard. Let’s walk through ten common sex toy mistakes—ones I’ve encountered far too often—and how you can sidestep them like a pro.

1. Skipping the User Manual

Let’s start with a classic. You just opened your shiny new naughty device, and your hands are already reaching for the lube—but wait. Skipping the manual might seem like a time-saver, but it’s often the quickest way to break something.

My friend Carla messaged me last spring after a rather explosive bath session. She submerged her dual-stimulation toy, only to learn—too late—that it wasn’t waterproof. “It sparked and hissed,” she wrote. “I screamed like it bit me.”

Read the manual. Even just the first few pages. It’s the difference between a blissful session and a panicked email to customer service.

2. Using the Wrong Lube

Here’s a recipe for disappointment: Silicone toy + silicone lube = melted mess. I can’t tell you how many conversations have ended with, “I had no idea lube could destroy my vibrator.”

Silicone-based lube feels divine—until it eats into your toy like Pac-Man chasing cherries. Stick with water-based lubricants unless the box or user manual says otherwise. Or do what my friend Max does: “I bought five mini lube bottles, labeled them by type, and now I treat them like a sommelier with wine.”

Honestly? That’s sharp thinking.

3. Assuming All Toys Are Body-Safe

If it smells like a new shower curtain, put it down.

Just because a toy is on sale online doesn’t mean it’s safe. Low-quality jelly rubber often contains chemicals that have no business being near your body. And porous materials? They trap bacteria like it’s their job.

Stick with medical-grade silicone, stainless steel, or glass. It’s your body—don’t roll the dice.

A reader named Elise once sent me a photo of a rash she developed from a cheap product she’d bought online. “I thought I was allergic to pleasure,” she joked. Turns out, she was just allergic to mystery materials.

4. Forgetting to Clean (Every Time)

A quick rinse isn’t enough.

Whether you use it solo or with a partner, that toy needs to be cleaned before and after use. Bacteria aren’t shy. And it doesn’t need an invite.

I made this mistake once, early in my practice. I used a textured wand, left it for “tomorrow,” and didn’t realize lube had nestled into a little groove. Three days later, I was prescribing myself antibiotics.

Soap, water, and a soft brush for grooves. Every time.

A quick tip: Always let your toy dry completely before storing it—moisture invites mildew.

5. Not Charging It Beforehand

You’ve set the mood. Lights dimmed. Music low. Anticipation is high. And then—your toy dies.

One reader, Amy, told me, “I now charge my favorite vibrator like I charge my phone. It’s always plugged in when I’m not using it.” Smart.

Another reader said she sets a calendar reminder every Sunday to charge her sex toys. “It’s my version of meal prep,” she joked.

Make charging part of your routine. Trust me—watching your rabbit vibrator slowly blink its way to life is no aphrodisiac!

6. Going Too Hard, Too Soon

Power doesn’t always equal pleasure.

Cranking the settings to 11 right away might seem thrilling, but it often ends with overstimulation and frustration.

A client named Jordan told me they used to max out the vibration immediately. “Then I’d be overstimulated and annoyed. Now I tease myself for ten minutes before even turning it on.”

That’s not just clever—it’s hot.

Your body deserves the slow burn. Let the anticipation build like a song that doesn’t rush the chorus.

7. Not Talking to Your Partner First

Pulling out a new toy mid-action without a heads-up? Risky.

One client, Dani, brought out a strap-on during her second time with a new partner. “They froze. It wasn’t that they were against it—it just felt like a surprise pop quiz.”

Even a simple “Want to try something new tonight?” goes a long way. Consent isn’t just about the act—it’s about the vibe.

And if you’re nervous about the conversation? Practice saying it out loud to yourself first. You’d be surprised how much smoother it feels the second time.

8. Using It While You’re Still Numb

After a particularly powerful vibrator session, your body might feel… buzzed. Give yourself a break.

Overusing a wand or stroker without rest can temporarily desensitize your nerve endings—sometimes for days.

One woman emailed me in a panic after two weeks of pleasureless sex. “I thought something broke,” she wrote. Nope. She just needed to take a breather.

Let your body reset. There’s no prize for using a toy every night like it’s cardio.

9. Treating All Toys the Same Way

Not every toy wants to live in a sock drawer.

Leather harnesses need conditioning. Silicone needs lint-free storage. Batteries hate heat.

I’ll never forget the message I got from a guy who left his vibrating ring in his glove box in July. “It melted into the plastic,” he said. “I had to scrape it off with a spoon.”

Take a second to read the care instructions. Your adult toys aren’t all created equal—and they don’t all like the same kind of attention. (More on sex toy storage here.)

10. Feeling Shame About Using Them

This one’s the heaviest. And the most common.

People whisper it like a confession: “I use pleasure toys—but I don’t tell anyone.” Or worse, “My partner thinks I shouldn’t need them.”

Here’s the truth, no sugar-coating: sex toys aren’t replacements. They’re invitations. Gateways to better conversations, deeper pleasure, and more “oh my god” moments.

Michael, a longtime reader, once wrote, “Your advice helped me explain to my girlfriend that these products weren’t a sign of failure—they were a sign I wanted to explore, with her.”

Now they keep a shared pleasure box under the bed.

That email? It still makes me smile.

Final Thoughts

Sex toys can be incredible. Life-changing. But like anything that sparks pleasure, they come with a learning curve—and a few funny bruises along the way.

Laugh at the fumbles. Share the fails. And celebrate the wins, even if it’s just figuring out how to finally clean a textured plug without swearing.

If you’ve made any of these mistakes, you’re in great company. The key is to laugh, learn, and keep the batteries charged.

Start where you are. Laugh a little. And keep exploring—your body’s worth it.

Happy vibing!

Rachel

Rachel is a clinical sexologist with a focus on LGBTQ+ and BIPOC issues. Originally from Texas, she loves sushi, white wine, and spending time with her partner Jessica. She has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Yahoo.com, Women’s Health, Healthline, Glamour, and MindBodyGreen.
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