Managing Teens’ Mental Health Amid the Iran War (and More)

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As the US goes from one forced regime-change to the next, it’s getting harder and harder to keep the anxiety and fear at bay. To me, the current state of the country is reminiscent of the first year of the pandemic, or the weeks after Donald Trump’s victory in the 2024 election — like we’re trapped in a downward spiral with no end. Every piece of news seems to accelerate the decline.

Our kids aren’t immune. If anything, they’re even more vulnerable, especially tweens and teens who are as aware as adults but with less perspective and fewer coping mechanisms. Whether they’re struggling to process the ICE killings or the recent attacks on Iran, teens need our support right now. It’s just not always clear the best way to provide it.

“School-aged children onward, if they’re on social media, if their friends are talking about it, if the news is on — it’s kind of hard to miss those types of big things going on in the world,” Dr. Rachel Goldman, PhD, a licensed psychologist and clinical assistant professor in the department of psychiatry at NYU Grossman School of Medicine, tells SheKnows. “The first thing you can do is open the door for that conversation.”

The way to do that is by first asking your teen what they know about the issue. Dr. Goldman, the author of the upcoming book When Life Happens, recommends saying something like: “There’s a lot going on right now in the world. Are your friends saying anything? Are you hearing anything at school?”

One proactive step you can take is reaching out to your child’s teachers to see how much they’re talking about the war in class, or what kind of language is being used. “If it’s not being talked about at school, then I get to really create the narrative in a way,” Dr. Goldman explains. If that conversation is happening, “then I need to be prepared to help support that when they come home.”

In the conversation, honesty is also crucial. “You don’t want to be like, ‘everything’s great!’ when it’s not,” Dr. Goldman points out. “It’s important that we’re honest but age-appropriate”; so, not going into unnecessary graphic detail or oversharing too much about your own emotions. At the same time, Dr. Goldman notes, it’s OK to be vulnerable with your kids. “You’re allowed to say, ‘There’s a lot going on in the world right now… and I’m not really sure what the next step is gonna be, but we can figure this out together.”

On that note, you should also engage in good coping mechanisms, which serve the double-purpose of helping you feel better while modeling positive behavior for your kids. One that Dr. Goldman suggests is limiting your teen’s news consumption, and your own, especially on days when personal stressors are feeling heavy enough.

“If you see that your child’s already having a stressful day, and they’re already emotional, maybe this is a day that we don’t want to be watching the news so much,” Dr. Goldman explains. “Maybe this is a day that you do more check-ins with your kids, like, ‘hey, there’s a lot going on. How are you feeling today? Do you want to talk about it?’”

If you or your child is experiencing overwhelm in the moment, she recommends first taking a moment to pause and take stock. “Check in with yourself,” she says. “Ask yourself, ‘What do I need right now?’” Maybe that means taking a few deep breaths, going for a walk, putting down your phone, or reaching out for support. If you don’t have an answer right away, “do a quick body scan and see how your body is feeling,” Dr. Goldman says. “If you notice your shoulders are up to here, and your neck hurts, and you have a headache, what can you do in that moment to help with that? It might be to drink some water, or get an ice pack.”

And whether you’re dealing with the stress yourself or trying to help your teen through it (or both), Dr. Goldman recommends focusing on the things we can control, and knowing that we’re only human in these moments. “I think a lot of parents put a lot of pressure on themselves to show up perfectly,” she says. “I think it’s actually better to not avoid, and be vulnerable, and say, ‘I don’t have all the answers.’”