Grinder Sex Toys Are Popular On Reddit (But What Are They?)

It probably comes as no surprise that people talk about sex on Reddit — a lot! And one of the things that they’ve been talking about a lot lately is grinder sex toys (not to be confused with the Grindr dating site). Read on if you’d like to learn more about this trend. I’ll be sharing my own thoughts and also talking with Rachel Sommer, our Ph.D. staff sexologist.

What Are Grinder Toys?

Most sex toys for people with vulvas are designed for penetration and/or direct clitoral stimulation, usually with fairly intense vibrations. There is absolutely nothing wrong with these if they work for you! But if they’re not your thing, or you’re wanting to try something a little different, grinder toys are worth exploring. (You can see some product examples here and here.)

A significant number of people with vulvas — maybe up to 20% — can orgasm most easily on their stomachs. This may be because even as babies, we learn that blankets or pillows feel comfortable. And as adults with access to sex toys, we can continue to explore those good feelings!

Grinder sex toys typically feature a slightly raised and contoured surface to grind against. They deliver pleasurable waves through pressure and movement against erogenous zones like the clitoris and labia, much like grinding against another body during partnered sex.

Why Should I Use Grinder Toys?

We think that the real question here is, why shouldn’t I use grinder toys? Or at least try them? We love our pleasure tech as much as the next folks, but there’s a lot to be said for a simple sex toy that doesn’t need a learning curve, accessories, and aftercare. It’s just you and your body finding a rhythm that works. And, hands-free orgasms are a special kind of bliss.

It’s also worth noting that, unlike dildos, grinder sex toys don’t enter the vagina. Some people are uncomfortable with penetration, either as a whole or in that particular moment. Everybody deserves access to sensuality, and grinder toys are a partner here.

With grinder sex toys, you can really live in the moment. Dr. Rachel Sommer, our go-to sexologist elaborates: “The slow build-up of pleasure that grinding toys provide can lead to more intense and satisfying orgasms. They allow for a gradual increase in sensation, which can be especially helpful for those who like to take their time or who find that quick intense stimulation doesn’t always lead to the best results.”

How Do I Get Started?

As we alluded to above, one of the wonderful things about grinder sex toys is that there is very little learning curve. Your body knows what to do!

1. The first step is a little retail therapy. Find the grinder toy that looks best to you. Most of the toys have a slightly raised or contoured surface. Some are silky smooth and soft; others are textured. This is your play time, so take some time to decide what would feel best against your body.
2. Then get comfortable, both mentally and physically. You (probably) wouldn’t appreciate a hushed, rushed, no-atmosphere, no-foreplay experience from a date, and you don’t have to put up with it when you are your own date. Set yourself up with soft lighting, the music of your choice, comfortable pillows, and your favorite hydration. Don’t forget good-quality, water-based lube.
3. Position yourself on your grinder. Some folks like to lie on their stomachs with the toy underneath them, and others prefer to squat over it. Either way, you probably want to ensure that the toy has good contact with your clitoris. Feel free to move around to try out different angles and amounts of pressure.
4. You can also experiment with different positions, since grinding sex toys are extremely versatile. and can be used in many positions. If you find that lying on your stomach is not the best angle for you, you can flip over to your back, reposition your toy, and press a pillow over it to provide the pressure.

Dr. Rachel Sommer confirms, “Like everything, the key is to listen to your body. Pay attention to how different pressures and movements feel and adjust accordingly. We are all different, so what works for one individual may not work for another person. The beauty of grinder sex toys is that you can take control and find out what gets you off.”

We especially love that grinder sex toys can be used hands-free. You can use your hands to caress the rest of your body, read your favorite erotica, or whatever else you want — or you can simply focus on the sensation of moving your body against the grinding toy.

Advanced Techniques For Maximum Pleasure

Grinder toys are very easy to use right out of the box, but this doesn’t mean that there aren’t tips and tricks that can enhance your experience.

• Combine with Other Toys: This is another advantage of using them hands-free! You can add a vibrator, nipple clamps, a butt plug, or any other toy that you choose into the mix. This kind of multi-sensory exploration can lead to very intense orgasms.
• Tease and Denial: This is otherwise known as “edging,” and while we especially recommend it for people with penises who sometimes finish sooner than they would like, it’s a tool that should be in everyone’s bag. Bring yourself to the brink of orgasm, then back off, cool down a bit, and repeat the cycle. When you finally allow yourself to finish, it will be explosive.
• Partner Play: There’s no reason to keep all the fun for yourself! Your partner can hold the grinding toy against you while you move against it, or you can hold it between the two of you during partnered sex.

Rachel Sommer, Ph.D. clinical sexologist, says, “Grinder toys can be a great way to add something new to your sexual repertoire. They’re versatile enough to be used solo or with a partner and can help deepen the connection by encouraging communication and exploration.”

Troubleshooting

Grinder toys are generally pretty trouble-free, since the only moving part is your body and you are in complete control. Still, if your experience isn’t what you had hoped for, consider:

• Too Much Pressure: Sometimes we get excited when we get excited, and this can mean pressing a little too hard against the grinding toy. If you find that your bits are feeling more squished than stimulated, take a breather and back off a little.
• Can’t Find the Right Spot: Every body is different, so what works for one of us might leave another barely lukewarm. Take your time, reposition yourself, and do what feels right. (What feels right might be nothing, and that’s okay too. We think that grinder toys are pretty darn fun, but there’s no toy that’s perfect for everyone, and you don’t have to keep trying if you don’t want to!)
• Not Climaxing: Related to the above point, sometimes orgasms don’t happen even when we really want them to. The thing is, stressing about it doesn’t help the process and often harms it! Focus on the sensations and be in the moment, which feels good even if that orgasm remains elusive (although getting out of your head does sometimes help you catch it).

Final Thoughts

Grinder sex toys are a good addition to any adult toy chest; sometimes the simplest of pleasures are just what we need. As Dr. Rachel Sommer says, “Sexual exploration is a personal journey. Grinder toys can be a great tool in that journey, to discover new sensations and ways to experience pleasure. Just approach it with an open mind and curiosity.”

Happy grinding!

Sandra

Sandra studied nursing and sexual health and is named one of the world’s top 50 sexologists. She founded My Sex Toy Guide in 2016, where she and a team of experts write about relationships, LGBTQ topics, and other sexuality issues. She has been featured in Men’s Health, Wedding Wire, InsideHook, ThriveGlobal, and more.
Medium | Reddit

Latest posts by Sandra Larson (see all)