The 10 Best Non-Penetrative Sex Ideas

People typically think of penetration as the main event. But did you know there’s a whole treasure trove of non-penetration activities that can be just as hot (if not more)? My name is Rachel Sommer, and I have spent more than a decade as a sexologist helping couples rekindle passion, intimacy, and connection. What I learned over the years is that exploring these alternatives can help people create a deeper emotional and physical bond in their relationships.

So let’s discuss some of the best non-penetrative sex ideas. In this article, we’ll look at some ways to create connection, build anticipation, and most importantly, have fun. Let’s jump right into it with the massages:

1. Sensual Massages with a Twist

Touch is one of the most powerful ways to connect with your partner, and a basic massage is one of the absolute best foreplays to build anticipation. (Plus, it’s great for relaxing tension, too). I recommend starting with an oil that you like. Today you can find a myriad of products, such as warming and tingling. You can also add textures like feather ticklers or even ice cubes to create new sensations.

One of our readers, Emma, told me this exciting tip: “We used peppermint oil during a massage. The cooling sensation with warm hands was like fireworks on my skin.” Sounds yummy!

In the beginning it’s helpful to focus on just one body part, like shoulders or the scalp. For couples with limited mobility, a gentle foot or hand massage can be just as good. The key is to go with your own pace and communicate what feels good.

Pro Tip: Some scented candles double as a massage oil (Dame is my favorite). Once melted it provides a warm, sensual glide for your experience.

2. Dry Humping Done Right

Yes, dry humping can make a comeback with a bit of creativity. That friction from clothing, bedsheets, or silky fabrics can be both playful and sensual at the same time.

I usually recommend dry humping for couples who want to add humor and spontaneity to their bedroom routine. One of our readers, Mark, wrote me in an email: “My partner and I were laughing how ridiculous it was to dry hump again, just like the good ol’ times. But we ended up having one of the hottest nights on record. The bedsheets added just the right amount of friction to drive us both wild!”

Remember that the focus should be on the connection. Long-distance couples can try pairing it with sexting or a well-timed video call to bridge the physical gap and heighten anticipation. More on dry humping in this article.

3. Oral Adventures

Oral sex is a staple but have you ever thought of making it an all-encompassing experience? Imagine this scenario: Don’t rush to a specific area but focus on the whole body instead. I am talking ears, necks, thighs. Those erogenous zones are criminally underrated when it comes to sensitivity.

Let me give you an example. Our long-time readers, Sarah and Jake, turned oral intimacy into a game: “We challenged each other how long we could keep each other on edge without crossing the finish line. In the end, it turned into a playful and teasing edging marathon with us both laughing and gasping for air”. I really love to hear these stories from our readers!

4. Erotic Role-Play and Storytelling

Did you know that role-playing is not just about costumes and props?. That’s right. It’s also about getting into a fantasy and letting your imagination run wild. It’s a great way to reenact a favorite scene or narrate a story without judgment.

For beginners, I recommend starting with a simple scenario or dialogue. This makes it less overwhelming. You can also narrate fantasies over the phone or a video call to add an element of mystery and excitement.

5. Temperature Play

I just love temperature play because it’s one of the easiest ways to awaken dormant nerve endings. For example, something as simple as a warm massage oil or an ice cube can create a shocking contrast.

Beginners can start playing on less sensitive areas like the arms or the back. And please always test the temperature on your wrist before placing anything on your partner. Plus, keep communication open throughout the session.

6. Prolonged Eye Contact and Breathing Exercises

Aahh eye contact. Few things are as intimate as looking deep into your partner’s eyes. And if you add breathing to the mix, you have something that goes beyond physical touch.

One couple told a story during one of our sessions: ” We spent 10 minutes just breathing and looking at each other. At first it was awkward. But then we felt so connected that the rest of the night just flowed”.

Pro Tip: If direct eye contact feels awkward, dim the lights or start with short intervals. If you are particularly anxious, you can play a calming playlist to ease nerves and help focus.

7. Dancing Without Boundaries

Dancing has been known for millennia as a way to celebrate movements, spark joy, and increase connection. It doesn’t matter if you are swaying to a slow song or busting out a hip-hop routine. The closeness and laughter can spark some serious magic. It also has several health benefits.

But what if you’re not a John Travolta on a Saturday night? No sweat! Focus on small movements or hand dancing. And if mobility is an issue you can do it while sitting or do hand clapping.

8. Sensory Deprivation

Removing one sense (sight, sound, smell, etc) can really heighten the others. For example, a blindfold or noise-canceling headphones can turn even the lightest touch into the thrill of a lifetime.

Pro Tip: I recommend not starting with hardcore BDSM gear right out of the gate. Instead, use something familiar around the house like a soft scarf or sleeping mask. Silk or velvet materials are great for more texture.

9. Bath Time Bliss

Sadly, baths and showers are often an overlooked place for intimacy. But did you know that sharing a warm bath or steamy shower is an escape from daily stress and a chance to reconnect?

My friend Madison told me this story during one of our brunches: “We took a bubble bath together last weekend. We hadn’t done it for a long time and we forgot how lovely it can be. We ended up painting each other with foam. It was messy and soooo intimate!”

No bathtub? No sweat! A shared shower with body scrubs and waterproof candles can be just as intimate and relaxing.

10. Surprise Love Notes

Intimacy often starts outside the bedroom. For example, I love to leave surprise love notes in unexpected places for my partner to find. It can be under the pillow or in the makeup bag. This small hack builds anticipation and shows your partner that you’re thinking of them.

In a long-distance relationship? Try sending intimate text messages or voice mails.

Rachel

Rachel is a clinical sexologist with a focus on LGBTQ+ and BIPOC issues. Originally from Texas, she loves sushi, white wine, and spending time with her partner Jessica. She has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Yahoo.com, Women’s Health, Healthline, Glamour, and MindBodyGreen.
LinkedIn | Website | Twitter

Latest posts by Rachel Sommer, Ph.D. (see all)