How To Have A Prostate Orgasm?

Prostate orgasms are some of the least understood orgasms out there. Sex for people with penises often focuses on the penis, especially because the penis tends to ask for attention in an unmistakable way. But prostate orgasms can add an extra dimension to your solo or partnered sex life. If you’re interested in learning more, buckle in and get ready. There’s somewhat of a learning curve, but most agree that it’s worth it!

What Is the Prostate?

The prostate gland is part of the male reproductive system. It is usually about the size of a walnut and it is located on the front wall of the rectum between the bladder and the penis (or about two inches deep in most people with prostates). The prostate gland produces prostate fluid, which makes up about 25%-30% of semen. Prostate fluid contains nutrients and enzymes that support sperm, such as prostate-specific antigen, zinc, citric acid, calcium, magnesium, and potassium.

The prostate is also known as the P-spot since it parallels the G-spot in people with vulvas. It is packed with sensitive nerve endings and the right stimulation can produce very intense orgasms, but it’s not always easy to find and not everyone with a P- or G-spot can achieve a P- or G-spot orgasm (which is okay, because there is no one right way to orgasm and we all need to find what works best for us.)

What Is Prostate Milking?

Prostate milking is a very evocative way to refer to therapeutic prostate massage, which stimulates the prostate to induce the release of prostatic fluid. While this feels very good to most people with prostates, and that’s reason enough to do it, there may be sexual health benefits from this practice. Evidence is largely anecdotal, but we all know that sexual and reproductive health does not always get serious attention.

Prostate milking helps clear the ducts of any backed-up prostatic fluid. Advocates claim that this can help with erectile dysfunction, improve the flow of urine, and relieve pain associated with ejaculation (however, we recommend that anyone experiencing this should consult a health care provider sooner rather than later). Prostate massage used to be the standard treatment for prostatitis, but these days, antibiotics are usually prescribed.

Risks of Prostate Milking

The tissues around the anus are relatively thin, so abrasions and tears are possible if you are rough and/or you do not use enough lube. Some discomfort and stretching are to be expected if you are new to this kind of play, but you should never “push through” pain. If it hurts, stop immediately and assess the situation.

If you have prostate cancer, you should not massage or milk the prostate. It is possible that prostate massage could detach cancer cells from the tumor and they could migrate to nearby tissues. As always, your personal health care provider knows your situation best and you should not be embarrassed to ask any questions pertaining to your health.

What Are Prostate Orgasms?

Prostate orgasms are, as the name suggests, orgasms that are induced entirely or mostly from prostate stimulation (as opposed to the more common penis-centered orgasms). Folks who have achieved prostate orgasms describe them as intense, full-body experiences.

Prostate orgasms can happen through milking or massage, but they are more likely to happen with penetration from a dildo, vibrator, or penis. This means that you may need to work up to full penetration, and that’s fine — enjoy yourself and enjoy the anticipation.

We would also like to take a minute to address a popular misconception: (receptive) anal penetration, prostate play, and prostate orgasms are about anatomy and not about gender identity or orientation. Anyone who has a prostate can experiment with and enjoy prostate play.

If you want to have anal/prostate play with a man, you may be gay or bisexual. If you want to have anal/prostate play with a woman, you may be straight or bisexual. And if you want to have solo anal/prostate play, you are probably human. To be clear, there is nothing wrong with being gay, straight, or bi — but butt stuff doesn’t determine that.

What Does a Prostate Orgasm Feel Like?

Orgasms feel different for every body, and even in the same body, every orgasm is a little different. Plus, orgasms are pretty hard to describe in words! But folks who have experienced prostate orgasms say that they are very intense.

People who have prostate orgasms may ejaculate (and may ejaculate even more than usual), or they may not. If a person has a prostate orgasm without ejaculation, there is often no refractory period and multiple orgasms in the same play session are possible.

How to Have a Prostate Orgasm?

Prostate play, including prostate milking, has somewhat of a learning curve. This is something that many people with penises and prostates are not used to, since penises are easily accessible and relatively straightforward. Exploring the world of anal/prostate pleasure takes practice and preparation, but a whole lot of folks around the world agree that it’s worth it.

1. Training

If your back door has previously been exit-only, you may need to get used to the idea of penetration with a finger or a toy. You can start by “training” yourself to comfortably accept penetration. Do this with a set of graduated — starting very slim and working your way up — butt plugs, or a set of anal beads that also go from very small to more substantial.

2. Anal Douching

Some folks are hesitant to engage in anal or prostate play because they are concerned about hygiene. You know your body best, but if this is what’s holding you back, there are some time-tested anal prep routines that can help alleviate those concerns. Anal douching uses water or saline to clean out the anal canal. If it helps you feel more relaxed and ready to go forward, it’s worth a try. You can buy enema kits online or at most drugstores.

3. Lube

Lube is absolutely essential for any prostate or anal play whether it’s therapeutic or recreational, solo or partnered. The rectum does not produce any natural lubrication and tissues are thin and sensitive. If you don’t think that you can apply lube deep enough on your own, you can use a lube shooter (which looks and acts a little like a turkey baster).

Water-based lube is the gold standard and it is safe for all sex toys as well as latex condoms. However, it can feel a little thin and it can dry out quickly, so you should be prepared to reapply generously. If you are not concerned about condom safety and you are using silicone, borosilicate glass, or stainless steel sex toys (or just human fingers), oil-based lubes or body-safe food-grade oils are usually thicker and last longer. Silicone lubes are slippery and condom-safe, but they are not compatible with silicone sex toys.

4. Get Excited

The prostate swells when it is aroused, which makes it easier to locate and stimulate. In addition, your body — including your sphincter muscles — relaxes when you are aroused. Prostate massage will be easier and more pleasurable if you do a little pre-gaming, so to speak, so make yourself comfortable, indulge in your favorite content or your favorite fantasy, and get yourself ready before you go there. Our guide on pegging explains this in detail and it’s worth a read even if you plan to play a different way.

5. Using Your Finger or Your Partner’s Finger

This is an easy way to experiment with prostate play. Many folks do find that a finger or two is not enough to get to a prostate orgasm, but it still feels good and it can get you ready for more. (And, doesn’t happen for everyone this way is not the same as doesn’t happen for anyone or won’t happen for you, so if you are playing and you think that you are close, keep going!)

Wash your hands before you get started. Anal play is internal play, and you don’t want to introduce any potential source of infection. Make sure that your nails are short and filed smoothly; this is important for both comfort and hygiene. If you are still concerned, you can use a disposable glove or condom over your fingers. This protects both your finger and your anus, and it makes cleanup even easier.

If you are a person with a vagina or your partner has a vagina, never move your hand from anal play to vaginal play without disposing of the glove/condom or washing your hands thoroughly. We understand that this can be a bit of a mood killer in the moment, but a vaginal infection will kill the mood for many more moments.

Techniques to Try:

• Come Hither: Lube up and gently insert your index finger with nail towards the back and finger pad to the front. Crook your finger and beckon like you’re trying to get a pet or small child to come to you (not the sexiest thought for sure, sorry). This should help you locate the prostate and provide gentle but rhythmic prostate stimulation.
• Circles: Insert a well-lubed finger. If you have found the prostate, which is the approximate size and shape of a walnut, you can gently circle it with your finger.
• Doorbell: This also requires that you have already located the prostate, and, like all other prostate play, it requires lube. Use your finger to gently press on the prostate gland like you were pressing a doorbell.

6. Using Sex Toys

We are currently in a sex toy renaissance — we’ve been running this website for nearly a decade and we can honestly say that there are more and better toys out there today than there ever has been, especially for people with prostates. Anal/prostate toys are great for either solo or partnered play, but they can be especially helpful for solo play if you have a larger body and/or shorter arms.

Remember that any toy you use anally needs to have a flared or wide base for safety. It is too easy to “lose” your toy inside you, especially during an orgasm (the sphincter contracts involuntarily during orgasm and can suck a toy inside). If you do get a toy stuck, it IS an emergency and if you can’t see your regular healthcare provider, you need to be seen sooner rather than later. This can mean a potentially expensive and embarrassing trip to the emergency room. It’s best to make sure that your toys are designed for safe anal play!

• Vibrating Massagers: Most of us know how vibrators work and prostate massagers are no different. Lube it up, slide it in, start out low and slow, and then find your rhythm. We recommend a vibrator that has a remote control or a smartphone app, because it can be difficult to operate control buttons behind your own back.
• Non-Vibrating Prostate Toys: These are dildos or wands that apply pressure to the prostate. You can thrust the toy back and forth to pleasure yourself, or you can pull a Uno reverse card by using your Kegel muscles to press and release rhythmically against the toy.

7. Best Prostate Massage Positions

As always, the “best” position is the one that feels most right for you (and your partner, if you are playing with another person) in the moment. This depends on your mood and your anatomy. There is no wrong way to play, as long as everything is safe and consensual, but this means that there is no single right way either. We’re going to explain some of the most popular positions, but you should absolutely experiment to find your own personal best.

• External Prostate Massage: We’ve focused mainly on internal prostate stimulation in this article but it’s also possible to massage the prostate from the outside, through the perineum. The next time that you have an erection, explore one side of the shaft just beneath the scrotum. You may find a small bump that feels different from the rest of your penis, and stimulating this bump will feel distinctly different than how you feel when you stroke your penis.
• Prone: This works for both solo and partnered play. Lie face down on the bed with your legs slightly apart. You can use pillows to support you and prop up your hips (this may also make it easier for you or your partner to reach your penis). You can reach behind you to insert a finger or toy, or your partner can kneel behind you or to the side.
• Legs Up: While this can certainly be adapted for partnered play, it does work very well solo. This position requires some stamina, flexibility, and core strength, but the angle and pressure make it worth the effort. Lie on your back on the bed and raise your knees to your chest. Use one arm to hold your legs against your chest, and your other arm to explore your anus and prostate. Because of the angle and openness, it may be easier to locate your prostate in this position.
• On the Side: This position is best suited for partnered play, because it is challenging to reach your own anus in this position (but if you are flexible or angled just right, feel free to go for it if it works for you!). Lie on your side and tuck your top leg to your chest, holding it with your arm if necessary. Your partner can lie on their side behind you, “spooning” against you.
• Doggy: This is probably the most popular position for anal/prostate play, and for good reason. It is comfortable and it opens the anus up wide for exploration. Kneel on the bed with your legs slightly spread and put your head down on the mattress. You can prop a pillow under your hips and belly for support. If you are playing with a partner, they can kneel behind you where they have full access to play.

Happy vibing!

Maggie

Maggie Hart has written about sexual well-being and sexuality in society for quite a few years now. She is active in communities that celebrate sex for older adults.

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