Primal BDSM: What It Means And How To Do It!

You and me, baby, ain’t nothing but mammals

So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel

— Bloodhound Gang

When most of us think about BDSM, we think about leather and cuffs and red rooms and all that fun stuff. There’s no denying that this is a big part of BDSM culture, but there are other ways to play under the BDSM umbrella, such as Primal BDSM.

Keep reading to learn about this unique niche; as always, we invite you to take what you want and leave the rest.

What Is Primal?

In the context of BDSM/kink, primal play is about connecting with our deeply primal instincts and desires. It’s about getting away from societal norms and scripts to unearth natural, uninhibited sexual expression. Primal BDSM focuses on natural, instinctive physical expressions such as growling and grappling. It’s how we would communicate if we didn’t have language, so for people who relate to primal play, it feels more raw and real.

Primal BDSM can look and feel very animalistic, because after all, that’s what we are. You can choose to role-play the animal of your choice, either real or mythical, or you can just get in touch with your own animal instincts. While animals don’t typically engage in D/s dynamics, there is no question that some animals are dominant and predatory, and that’s why primal play is generally associated with BDSM. It is not the same as pet play or furry fetishes — primal is about what’s inside us much more than it is about personas, costumes, and toys.

What Is Primal BDSM Play?

There’s no right or wrong way to have sex (outside of safety and consent issues, of course), and there’s no right or wrong way to engage in primal BDSM play. On the contrary, primal sex is about following your own deep-seated instincts and not a script or a list.

However, especially if you are new to this kind of play, you might not know where to start. When folks tell us what they like about primal BDSM play, common themes are:

1. Instincts

This is really the heart of it. A lot of awkward, unsatisfying sex happens because people do what they think they should do instead of what they or their partners really want to do. Primal BDSM is about letting nature, and sex, follow its natural course.

You need to trust your partner (and if you don’t, you really shouldn’t be having any kind of sex at all with them) for this kind of sex play, but give in to your raw desires and emotions.

2. Fewer Adult Toys

We are My Sex Toy Guide, so this one kind of hurts us to write, but we’re here for the honesty. Primal sex is about connecting with your partner and only your partner. We believe strongly that there’s a place for sex toys in nearly every relationship — but this isn’t it. Your skin, hair, nails, teeth, and strength are everything that you need.

3. Sniffing, Growling, Scratching, Wrestling, and/or Biting

Primal play is not pretty or polite. It’s real and it can be really rough, which is why it’s on the BDSM spectrum. We’ve all seen how animals play, and there’s a lot of growling and wrestling. There’s also a lot of licking, especially the parts with the most pheromones! And when all is said and done, they usually fall asleep in a pile.

4. Scents

Animals don’t know each other’s names; they identify each other by their scents. When we’re getting in touch with our inner beasts, we should learn to rely on our sense of smell.

Primal sex can feel much more primal when we don’t shower and apply perfumed lotions and deodorants right before. We are in no way advocating for a lack of hygiene here, but a healthy body does not become squalid within 24 hours.

5. Chasing, Control, and Dominance

A lot of relationships in the animal world are about control and dominance. You and your partner can “fight” to see who comes out on top, literally. As with any kind of BDSM play, you should establish boundaries and expectations well in advance of your power struggle, but you’ll probably find it exhilarating to conquer or be conquered. It’s all part of the mating game!

Primal Play Roles

Again, the point of primal play is to revel in your instincts and desires. Ironically, it’s sometimes easier to do that if you and your partner decide which roles you each want to take.

• Primal Dom/me, Hunter, Predator: The dominant partner is the alpha predator. They enjoy the chase so much that they sometimes play with their prey, but it always ends with a takedown — and they eat what they capture.
• Primal Sub, Prey, Mate: They tease and taunt to get the chase started, and sometimes they put up a good fight, but they always end up fully consumed by the Predator.

 Where Can I Find a Primal Play Partner?

This kind of play generally requires trust, and that takes a while to build. Ideally, you and your trusted partner will decide to explore primal BDSM together.

If you do not currently have a partner, or you have a partner who is uninterested in primal play (but willing to let you experiment outside the relationship), there are communities where you can meet other people interested in sex and kink.

• Fetlife: Fetlife is not strictly a dating site; it is a social networking site for the kinky and/or poly community. Because it caters to all sorts of kink, not everyone on the site will be open to primal BDSM, but plenty will.
• Adult Friend Finder: Adult Friend Finder is one of the oldest and largest sex-focused dating sites. Here, you can be completely open about what you are looking for, whether it’s primal BDSM or anything else.
• Reddit: The r/PrimalPlay subreddit is also not a dating site, but you will become part of a community that celebrates these desires.

Final Thoughts About Primal Play

In the introduction to this article, we invited you to take what you wanted and leave the rest. Maybe you’ve realized that you really want to get naked in the forest and pin your partner against a tree. Or maybe you have a new appreciation for sex in a comfortable bed with clean sheets — but you wouldn’t mind at all if your partner let out a howl at a crucial moment. It’s all good! Wherever you land on the primal scale, use your words to communicate with your partner, share desires, and set boundaries.

Maggie

Maggie Hart has written about sexual well-being and sexuality in society for quite a few years now. She is active in communities that celebrate sex for older adults.

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