5 Lesbian Fingering Tips That Make Your Partner Go Wild!!!

We are My Sex Toy Guide, so obviously, much of what we write about here focuses on sex toys. But there are many other ways to have good sex, and every now and then, we want to write about those too. Rachel Sommer is our experienced sex educator and product tester, and she and her partner Jessica have created the ultimate list of lesbian fingering tips.

We are happy to present this in the context of women loving women (WLW), but gentlemen or folks of any gender who also love women are welcome to read along.

The Basics and Beyond

1. Establish Safety and Consent

Safety and consent are an important part of any intimate encounter — even if you are both women. Remember that the absence of a “no” is not a “yes.” Consent should be an ongoing conversation based on the FRIES model (Freely given, Reversible at any time, Informed, Enthusiastic, and Specific) and it should cover:

• Explicit Consent: Both of you need to explicitly agree to each encounter and to each sex act; a “yes” to one thing is not a “yes” to everything.
• Boundaries and Limits: Discuss your comfort levels, and if there are things that will never be okay, lay them out clearly. Defining boundaries and staying within them is part of a safe, mutually pleasurable experience.
• Safe Words: Establish a “safe word” (one that could not be mistaken for anything else in the heat of the moment) and agree to stop immediately, no questions asked, if that word comes out.

2. Trim Fingernails and Wash Hands

Hygiene and grooming are important for any sexual encounter, but even more so when you’re going to be inside your partner’s body. For fingering, this means making sure that your nails are short, rounded, and filed. You do not want to accidentally scratch or tear your partner; not only is this quite unpleasant in the moment, but it can lead to infection and much more unpleasantness. Vaginal tissues are about as sensitive as the buccal mucosa (the skin on the inside of your cheek), so you can always do a quick check.

Moisturize your hands as well, preferably with unscented/unflavored hand lotion. This helps eliminate hangnails. It also makes the skin on your fingers softer (for your partner’s benefit) and more sensitive (so you can feel more of your partner).

3. Use Plenty of Lube

We write this in nearly every article, because it’s really good advice! There are very few sex acts where good lube generously applied does not make things better.

For fingering, lube decreases friction and increases sensitivity. It also lessens the risk of micro-tears to the vaginal tissues, which as we explained above, can cause infection as well as discomfort.

High-quality water-based lube is the gold standard for reasons. It is safe to use with all sex toys and condoms (which may not be a concern for WLW fingering, but it’s still good to know), and it usually washes out of sheets pretty easily. It can dry out quickly, though, so don’t hesitate to reapply as needed.

Silicone-based lube has a lovely slippery texture, but it can be expensive and it should never be used with silicone sex toys. Oil-based lube (or just body-safe food-grade oils) also feels very nice, but can be pretty messy. Oil-based lube is also not compatible with all sex toys.

Start by applying lube generously to your own fingers before you start touching your partner. You can also apply lube directly to your partner’s vulva and clitoral hood.

4. Communicate!

This is another thing that we recommend in nearly every guide — it would seem that the keys to good sex are lube and communication (and would anyone actually disagree with that?)

Start by discussing boundaries, expectations, and wishes. Consent talks can be very sexy; it does not have to feel like a contract negotiation. Let each other know what you’re looking for, what will help you get there, and what would force a hard stop. You can talk about where and how you like to be touched, where and how you like to touch, and anything that you haven’t tried but want to.

Communication should continue during sex, and it will include verbal and non-verbal interactions. Pay attention to your partner’s responses, both voluntary and reflexive.

Body language and sounds can indicate your partner’s level of enjoyment and comfort, but interpretation can be subjective. If your partner is saying “no” or not enthusiastically saying “yes,” you should never assume that they don’t mean it because they seem like they’re enjoying themselves. Remember that consent is paramount. And also, it’s a lot easier to recover from stopping too soon than pushing ahead where you aren’t wanted.

5. Start Slow

Foreplay warms up the body and the brain, and you need both of those for a fulfilling sexual experience. You and your partner will be mentally and emotionally ready to open up, and your partner will experience increased lubrication and sensitivity.

Foreplay starts well before the first touch or kiss. Set the scene with low lighting, their favorite music, and maybe some nice-smelling candles. Then start with non-sexual touching, kissing, and words that build affirmation and desire. Once you’re both fully immersed in the experience, you can move on to more direct stimulation.

6. Change the Rhythm and Motion

Try different things (we suggest some below, but you can and should focus on what your partner wants and not a pre-choreographed routine). See how they respond to various rhythms and motions as well as attention paid to different parts of their body. You can also adjust positions or ask them to raise their hips to give you better access or a different angle to target the G-spot or A-spot. Try touching with other parts of your hand, like the pads of your fingers or the flat of your palm, for different sensations and levels of pressure.

Make sure to check in regularly with your partner; this is where communication and consent are put into real action. Listen to what they are telling you with their words and their body, and find what brings the most pleasure to both of you.

7. Try Different Positions

You can move the rest of your body too, not just your fingers! You’ll probably start out lying next to each other in bed, but you can also enjoy fingering in missionary, doggy, and 69 positions as well. All of these give you a different view and a different angle, and you’ll have fun figuring out which is your favorite.

The 5 Best Lesbian Fingering Techniques

And now, as promised:

1. The “Come Hither” Gesture

This is a method of internal stimulation that uses curved finger motions on the front vaginal wall to target the G-spot area. For some people, G-spot stimulation produces not only a very intense orgasm but a rush of fluid (“squirt”).

Insert your index finger into your partner with your nail facing the back and the pads of your finger facing the front. Curl your finger upwards and move it back and forth, sort of like you were inviting someone to approach. This should put you right at your partner’s G-spot. Once you are situated, you can insert more fingers if they would like that.

2. Finger Raking

The vaginal wall is full of nerve endings, which is why it is so sensitive to touch. Additionally, new research shows that the clitoral structure extends (internally) much farther than we had previously thought, so pressure on the vaginal wall is stimulating the clitoris even if you’re nowhere near the hood (the external bit of the structure that is what most people think of when they think “clitoris”). Spreading your fingers — as many as is comfortable — slightly and moving them up and down your partner’s internal vaginal walls can feel very, very good.

3. Two Hands

If you have two hands, you can use them both at the same time to effectively double your partner’s pleasure! It’s not really a secret that most people with vulvas have more than one erogenous zone in that area.

You can use the index and middle fingers on one hand to stimulate the clitoris, and use the other hand inside the vagina. If you and your partner prefer, you can switch out one hand for a little butt play as well. Nipple play can be a winner too! There are a lot of different combinations, so keep trying until you hit the jackpot.

4. Make Circles With Your Fingers

We’re not entirely sure why vulvas seem to like circles and curves so much; we just know that they do. Use your index finger to draw circles around the clitoris, and/or use your index and middle fingers internally to make circles on the front vaginal wall (this is likely to hit the G-spot). If you read the tip immediately above, you won’t be surprised that the next suggestion is to try them both at the same time.

5. Stimulate the G-Spot

A few of the tips we already shared focus on the G-spot, which, when you get it right, provides intense stimulation and powerful orgasms. Every body is different, and it’s possible that the techniques we suggested aren’t quite doing it for your partner. That’s okay! But we would like to emphasize that many people with vulvas respond very positively to G-spot stimulation, so if come hither-ing and circling isn’t quite right, let your partner help you figure out what is.

Aftercare

We wrote above that foreplay is an important part of any sexual encounter, and aftercare is as well. Sex and orgasms are very powerful. They release a rush of hormones and neurotransmitters that are almost intoxicating. This is absolutely the right time to connect and reflect on your encounter, and possibly on your relationship. “Pillow talk” is a bonding experience. Any set of bodies can join sexually (and we are not judging that at all), but aftercare is true intimacy.

Educational Resources

Whether you are new to the WLW world or you are looking to level up, there are plenty of educational resources (besides us!) available these days. We will add a disclaimer that while all of these focus on how to pleasure a person with a vulva, not all of them are WLW-centered, so you may need to mentally switch some pronouns as you read. Let us know if there are any others that we should include in these lists.

• Books: She Comes First by Ian Kerner provides detailed insight and instructions about how to inspire orgasms. It centers around clitoral stimulation, which works very well for many people with vulvas; however, if your partner prefers penetration, this may not float their boat. The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus by Violet Blue is a very comprehensive guide to oral pleasure.
• Online Courses: Websites such as OMGyes offer interactive, research-based tutorials on anatomy and pleasure. You can learn techniques that improve intimacy and satisfaction.
• Workshops and Webinars: Many sex educators and therapists offer in-person and online workshops on sexual health and sexual pleasure. High-end adult retailers will often sponsor these, or at least know where you can find them locally. Don’t be shy about checking the credentials of the workshop leaders; real professionals understand the need for credibility, especially in this area.
• Podcasts and Blogs: “Sex With Emily” by Dr. Emily Morse and “Speaking of Sex” by Pleasure Mechanics are two that are worth a listen (you can make your commute significantly more interesting, as long as you’re not carpooling or picking up a kid from daycare). They feature candid, open discussions as well as advice from respected experts.

Happy orgasming!

Rachel

Rachel is one of our most experienced product testers. Originally from Texas, she loves sushi, white wine, and spending time with her partner Jessica. She has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Yahoo.com, Women’s Health, Healthline, Glamour, and MindBodyGreen.

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