How To Insert A Big Dildo? PRO TIPS from a Sex Toy Tester!

Maybe you’re ready to see if bigger is better, or maybe you want to see what being a size queen is all about. If you’re looking to experiment with a large dildo but you’re a little intimidated, you’ve come to the right place. I’m a sex educator and product tester with over ten years of experience helping people understand and explore their sexuality, and today we’re here to learn how to get started safely.

How Big Is Big?

Studies and surveys (1, 2, 3) conclude that the most popular dildo size is between 6.3” and 6.5” long, and 4.8” to 5.1” in circumference. That’s already a fair bit larger than the average human penis at 5.16” x 4.6”; a 6.3” penis would be in the 95^th percentile. However, as we are sure you know if you are reading this article, there are some dildos out there that are much larger than the average — up to 15.5”, which no healthy human penis can match.

It’s also worth noting that the average vagina measures between 4” and 8” in depth in an aroused state. While muscles and tissues do stretch, the cervix is a hard stop (unless you are in active labor, nothing is getting past it), and many people with cervixes find it uncomfortable at best to bump up against it.

So to some extent, the longest dildos are meant to stimulate your eyes and your brain at least as much as your vagina. We are very much in favor of enjoying sex with all your senses, so there’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s something to keep in mind while you are shopping. And while we love numbers here, we are inclined to say that we can’t define “big” for anyone else. If you want to try a dildo that looks and feels big to you, this article is for you.

Start With the Right Mindset

Any sex, especially penetrative sex, is going to be easier and better when your mind and body are ready for it. If your muscles are tense, even involuntarily, penetration will be difficult and possibly even painful. This is not a recipe for fun times!

Foreplay starts well before the underwear comes off. Set yourself up where you are most comfortable, center yourself using mindfulness techniques, and put on your favorite music. You can do some gentle pelvic floor exercises too, which will help prepare you and make recovery easier afterwards. Relax and get yourself ready for play time.

Different Types of Dildos

There are lots of large dildos on the market, so you should pick one that appeals to you in every way. Some are brightly colored, some are basic black, and there are also dildos in every beautiful shade that humanity has to offer. Most dildos are at least vaguely phallic but some are very realistic with foreskin, veins, and even testicles. You get to pick exactly what you want to see. (Even Tinder doesn’t offer this!)

You also get to pick what you want your dildo to feel like. Some folks find it easier to insert a large dildo that is extremely firm, and some prefer a more flexible dildo. Since you will be using the dildo internally, we do recommend that you choose a body-friendly material such as medical-grade silicone, stainless steel, or borosilicate glass. Not only are these better for your body, but they are much easier to thoroughly clean and sanitize.

If you do prefer a softer “jelly” sex toy, you should know that it is not possible to get them completely clean since the pores can harbor bacteria and other contaminants. Also, phthalates are used to make the plastic soft and flexible, and phthalates have been linked to chronic health issues. However, we like what we like, and if this is what you like, we recommend using a condom over the dildo.

The size is up to you, of course. But if you are new to the world of big dildos, we suggest that you start with something midway between what you’re used to and what you hope to get used to; an extra inch may not seem like a lot but your vagina may disagree in the moment. You can always decide to go bigger the next time you shop! Or, you could consider an inflatable dildo where you can choose the size (to some extent).

Prep for Success

Athletes warm up before their games, and this is no different. Your body won’t want to take a large dildo with no prep or foreplay. Earlier, we suggested that you set up an area where you can feel comfortable and relaxed; now, it is time to settle in and get started.

Make sure that you have plenty of good-quality lube handy. Water-based lube is the standard recommendation because it is safe to use with all sex toys. However, if you are working with an extra-large dildo, you may need to reapply frequently. Oil-based lubes (or body-safe food-grade oils) are thicker and slipperier, but they are not safe to use with certain dildos. Silicone-based lubes are also an option but cannot be used with silicone sex toys.

Start exploring your body with your fingers, a vibrator, or a smaller dildo. This will prepare your body physically, and it will also prepare you mentally so that you will be open in every way to taking more than you are used to.

Get Into Position

The best position for this adventure depends on your preference, your anatomy, and your comfort level, but we can offer some thoughts for you to try. Lying on your side with one leg slightly elevated lets you control the depth and angle of penetration. Lying on your back with your knees bent and your hips on a pillow opens you up for great access. And squatting opens you up and lets gravity give you an assist. This works best if your dildo has a suction cup base or you are using a pillow with a mount for your dildo (like some of these).

The Insertion Phase: Take it Slow

There is no medal for the fastest time here, so take a deep breath to help your body relax. Make sure that both your body and your dildo are well lubed. Press the dildo against the entrance to your vagina. Hold it there for a moment to let yourself get used to the feel; you can sort of circle the opening with the tip to start easing it in. Start pushing the rest of the toy in slowly and gently, but don’t force it if you feel resistance.

Listen to your body. A little discomfort as you stretch around your toy is not unexpected, but anything more than that should be an immediate stop. Pushing beyond your comfort level does no good. Back up and start the process over. Consider starting with a smaller size or adding even more lube, or change positions or angles. It’s also okay to decide to try again another day if you’re feeling stressed, because stress will make things even more difficult.

Add a Vibrator

Using a bullet or small wand vibrator along with your big dildo can enhance this experience. The vibrations will relax your muscles and possibly increase your natural lubrication, which will make it easier to ease the large dildo into your vagina. Once it’s in, you can hold the vibrator against the shaft of the dildo. It can be very intense to feel that buzz when you are stretched and stuffed!

Partner Play

Communication is always the most important part of partnered sex play, but even more so when the play is pushing physical limits. Safe words are recommended for kink/BDSM, and we think they are a great idea here too. You and your partner should choose a word that is unmistakable and distinct, and agree to stop immediately, no questions asked, if that word comes out. Be sure to communicate how you are feeling both physically and mentally throughout the experience, and don’t be shy about asking for more lube if you need it.

Aftercare for You and Your Big Dildo

Aftercare is just as important as foreplay. Expanding your boundaries is intense both physically and emotionally. Take some time to come down and collect yourself mentally. Then assess yourself physically: are you sore, are there any small tears or abrasions? A warm bath will help the first, and something soothing like coconut oil or aloe will help the second. Anything more than “small tears” deserves medical attention.

Next, it’s time to take care of your big buddy. Wipe off any leftover lube, fluids, or other debris with a soft cloth. If your dildo is waterproof, wash it well with warm water and gentle fragrance-free soap. Rinse well, pat dry with a soft lint-free cloth, and let it air-dry on a towel. If it is not waterproof, you can use a specialized sex toy cleaner or follow the manufacturer’s recommendations. Inspect it thoroughly for any scrapes or scratches that could harbor bacteria and other contaminants. Store your toy in a soft fabric bag.

Happy vibing!

Rachel

Rachel is one of our most experienced product testers. Originally from Texas, she loves sushi, white wine, and spending time with her partner Jessica. She has been featured in Cosmopolitan, Yahoo.com, Women’s Health, Healthline, Glamour, and MindBodyGreen.

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