Schedule Sex and Other Lessons I Learned at SXSW

As a 20-year-old gay Latino man who’s still in college, the closest thing I’ve experienced to parenting is making sure I don’t lose my gummy-bear flavored vape. But at the SHE Media Co-Lab at SXSW recently, where I joined a crowd of moms and other women firmly in middle age, I was surprised to learn plenty of relevant lessons from the advice doled out by panelists.

First was Gabby Reece, former pro beach volleyball player, who had the audience close their eyes and breathe in a calming pattern. I wondered what I’d walked into but must admit that after a few minutes of trying the exercise, I felt peaceful. In fact, I’ve been doing it ever since and can attest to the fact it works and is a much healthier solution than inhaling fruit flavored aerosol or Friday night vodka cranberries.

It seems Reece and I were on the same page in more ways than one that day. “I’m not willing to make my whole life be something that I’m just trying to get through,” she said. “I don’t understand the point of that.”

I don’t either — even though I find myself often going through the days just wanting them to be over, wanting to stop being a busy bee at school and instead be at home rotting in bed or drinking out at a bar. But there’s so much more. Reece explained how we often take things for granted, especially the small moments, and I’ve been inspired to touch grass, listen to some birds, and urge others to try it, too.

Another amazing woman to hit the purple stage was Emily Morse, American sex therapist and author of “Smart Sex.” Something that stuck with me was her suggestion to start scheduling sex.

And yes, I know it sounds unappealing to jot down “blowjobs” under your five o’ clock meeting, but whether you’re a mom of two or a college student with a part time job, most of us have certain needs, and we can’t let the kids’ soccer game or internship applications get in the way of fulfilling them. And by scheduling sex at a time that works for everyone, it both gives us something to look forward to and makes the communication with our partner easier. (Plus, I’m sure Morse wasn’t saying to completely forget about spontaneous sex, which has its time and place — it’s just that setting a time and place can make life just a tad bit easier.)

While there was a plethora of panels at the event, those from Reece and Morse were the ones that resonated with me the most. I hope to be a sex and health columnist — basically a new Carrie Bradshaw — and SHE Media’s editor-in-chief Kat Steinberg taught me there is a space waiting for me within the media industry, and that we need more people wanting to cover topics that aren’t always talked about at American family dinner tables.

What can I say? I love my veggies with a side of sexual health knowledge.

Jorge Espinoza is a senior journalism major at the University of Texas at Austin who has a passion for exploring sexuality and pop culture through reportage — inspired by the amazing (if fictional) columnist Carrie Bradshaw.