What Is Pegging? Beginner’s Guide With Toy Recommendations

Pegging is when a man is anally penetrated by his female partner, who wears a dildo attached to a harness (also known as a strap-on). Pegging is physically pleasurable for the receiving partner because the anus is very sensitive and the prostate is considered to be the male equivalent of the G-spot.

It is also emotionally intense for reasons that we will talk more about below.

What Pegging Is and Isn’t

What pegging is not is “gay.” There’s nothing wrong with being gay, of course, but if you aren’t, you aren’t. And men having sex with women is obviously not gay, whether that sex is vaginal intercourse, oral sex (giving or receiving), or anal sex (giving or receiving).

And now, back to pegging. Because pegging is anal penetration, it targets the prostate. Prostate orgasms are intense, whole-body experiences. They can happen with or without erection and/or ejaculation. They also have a somewhat steep learning curve, but if you aren’t quite there, that isn’t a reason to give up on pegging. The anus and surrounding area is rich with nerve endings so stimulation feels good, and your hands are free to stimulate your penis to reach orgasm that way.

Pegging is also a way to explore different dynamics with your partner. If you are usually the penetrating partner, it will be a new experience for both of you when you take the passive role. This role reversal helps you understand each other better, and that builds intimacy. Additionally, as many women already know instinctively, letting anyone penetrate you requires trust, so pegging will also solidify trust between you and your partner.

Pegging Your Partner Safely in 8 Easy Steps

1. Maintain Open Communication

It’s always a good idea to establish expectations and boundaries before engaging in any kind of sex. Penetrative sex, and especially anal penetrative sex, needs clear consent. We also recommend setting up a safe word; if that word comes out of either partner’s mouth, all action stops immediately while you regroup and reassess.

Aftercare is just as important as the preliminaries. Take some time to connect, cuddle, and explore your thoughts about what you just shared. Now, when everything is still fresh in your mind, is the time to talk about what you liked, what you didn’t like, and what you might want to try differently next time.

2. Get Comfortable

If you have not played this way before, you will want to get both physically and mentally comfortable with the idea of anal penetration before starting your pegging journey (and the best way to do it is to do it)! Choose a small dildo or butt plug that you can experiment with at your own pace, especially during masturbation sessions (which will also create a positive mental association with anal penetration)

You and your partner can also explore prostate massage, which may make it easier to achieve a prostate orgasm during pegging. Start with well-lubed fingers, either yours or hers, and consider moving up to a prostate massager such as LELO Loki Wave 2 or Lovense Edge 2 when you are ready.

3. Shop for a Strap-On Together

It’s fun to shop together for sex toys that you plan to use together! Your partner can pick out a harness that she thinks she will be comfortable in, and you get to share your thoughts about what you’d like to see her wear.

If you have been playing with dildos and prostate massagers, you probably have an idea about what size dildo you would like her to use on you. You must also choose a dildo that is designed for anal use with a wide or flared base to keep it from getting sucked in. Yes, that does happen, and no, it’s not good.

If you’re not sure where to start, we recommend this kit from Lovehoney that comes with a 5” dildo, which is a great Goldilocks size (not too big, not too small, just right!).

Any sex toys that are used internally should be made from body-safe and non-porous materials such as medical-grade silicone, borosilicate glass, or stainless steel. This ensures that they can be thoroughly cleaned and sanitized.

Lube is next on your shopping list. Water-based lube is the gold standard because it is relatively easy to clean and compatible with both condoms and sex toys; however, it can dry up quickly and some people feel that it is too thin for anal play. Oil-based lube or body-safe food-grade oils are thicker and last longer, but they are not safe to use with latex condoms or certain sex toys (silicone, glass, and steel are all fine). Silicone lubes are another alternative, and they are compatible with condoms but not with silicone sex toys.

4. Try It Solo First!

This goes for both of you. She can try on the harness and adjust the straps for a comfortable and secure fit, and she can attach the dildo to the harness so she gets used to what it feels like to be packing! He can test out the dildo to be sure that he can comfortably accommodate the size and shape.

5. Take It Slow

You’ve probably had plenty of sex with each other and maybe even with other people, but if you’re new to pegging, it’s almost like you’re virgins again. In a way, you are! He’s never been penetrated before, and she’s never penetrated anyone before.

So take your time, set the scene with soft lighting and your favorite music, and indulge in plenty of foreplay. Make sure that you are both relaxed, aroused, and ready to go!

6. Make Him Comfortable

Let him pick the position that’s most comfortable for him. We recommend either missionary or doggy as best for beginners, but that’s really up to both of you.

Apply plenty of lube to his anus, the dildo, and her fingers. Start out by gently stroking the area around his anus, and then insert one or two fingers. When he’s ready, switch to stroking the area with the tip of the dildo, and then insert the shaft slowly and gently.

Be prepared to apply more lube as needed, and check in to make sure that he’s feeling okay with everything. Let him get used to feeling full before you start thrusting.

7. Let Him Set the Pace

It may be exhilarating for her to experience being the dominant, penetrative partner. However, it’s well-known in the kink world that the sub is actually the one who sets the pace and boundaries, and that works well here.

In the missionary position, she is the one who is doing the thrusting, but he needs to communicate what he is comfortable taking. In doggy-style, she can be the one thrusting, or she can hold still and he can back up onto the dildo.

8. Try Different Positions

We recommended the missionary and/or doggy-style positions as best for beginners, but there’s a whole world out there. Pretty much any position that works for vaginal intercourse also works for pegging, although you may need to tweak some favorites (like spooning) if she is much shorter than he is.

Have fun exploring each other in this new way!

Maggie

Maggie Hart has written about sexual well-being and sexuality in society for quite a few years now. She is active in communities that celebrate sex for older adults.

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