Your Sex Toy Is Probably Not as Loud as You Think. Here’s Why

“What’s that?”

Possibly the worst words to hear during a self-care session with a sex toy. Well, I’m sure you can think of worse, but when it’s only one of your very first sessions with your very first toy and it’s your dad asking the question? Pretty bad.

“Um, nothing. Just…electric razor.”

I think the conversation went on a little longer, but mercifully, I have no memory of it.

So, why do I bring up this embarrassing memory? Because it highlights an issue that a lot of people have with sex toys: namely, how loud they are. There’s an ideal vision of how a self-pleasure session should go. You, alone in a room, with a scented candle and maybe some mood music, free to be as loud and self-indulgent as you want.

Well, that is a great image, but it’s just not always feasible. So many of us live with other people, roommates, parents, spouses, children, etc., that a few minutes of privacy can feel like a luxury. And a few minutes of privacy where you can be a little loud? Downright impossible in some circumstances.

Is Complete Silence Possible?

Now, it is important to address the fact that it is impossible to make a completely silent sex toy that moves in some way. Now, I took rocks for jocks as my science credit, but even I know that sound is the vibration of air. And vibrators…vibrate. While some sound louder than others, it is impossible to remove sound completely. If you want a completely soundless toy, you’re stuck with dildos and anal beads.

Now, there are certainly some very quiet products, but the loudness can even vary within brands and types of products. Personally, I’ve found that my Womanizer Next is the quietest toy in my usual rotation, while the Womanizer Marilyn (technically the Classic 2) is one of the loudest. They’re both suction toys from the same company, so go figure.

“Another thing to consider is whether most toys are really that loud?
”

I hate to sound like I’m gaslighting anyone, but most toys really aren’t that loud.

First of all, it’s easy to imagine that everyone cares intimately about what we’re doing in the privacy of our bedrooms and that the slightest noise is going to be the cause of rumors, speculation, innuendo, and outuendo. But really, when was the last time you stopped what you were doing to listen in on your roommate? If your answer was anything other than zero, then…that’s honestly a little weird. And there’s always the classic move of playing some music. And let’s say hypothetically that someone does know what you’re doing? Odds are that they really don’t care.

Second of all, do you use an electric toothbrush? You should because they’re great, and if you do, you know how loud they sound when you use them. The only thing you can hear is the buzzing, and anyone wanting to talk to you has to shout to be heard. Ever try to talk to someone using an electric toothbrush? Even if they’re standing a foot away from you, the sound is so quiet it’s baffling that they can’t understand you.

Quite simply, things sound louder when they’re vibrating in or against you, especially when you have a lot of other sensations making the whole experience even more intense. Yes, I had that mortifying experience with my first toy, but that was quite a while ago, and toys have definitely gotten quieter since then.

I’ve tested plenty of egg toys in my time, and often found them a little too loud for public play. But since they were inside my body, I’m sure that if I actually went to a crowded area (let alone somewhere like a club), no one would know. It’s only alone in my room that the toy sounds extremely obvious.

And again, if I were walking around and heard someone emitting a faint buzzing sound, my first thought would probably be that it was their phone. Most people aren’t going to say to themselves, “Hmm, that’s the sound of someone with a vibrating egg inside them”, unless they know whereof they speak.

How Sex Toys Are Marketed

Another issue is that toys aren’t really marketed towards people who have a crowded living situation. Plenty of toys that call themselves discreet or good for travel are in reality just small.

“Whisper quiet” is a term that gets thrown around so much that it really doesn’t mean anything. It’s not like there’s a certain decibel level that qualifies a toy as being “whisper quiet” and that toys have to get a “whisper quiet” certification to advertise as such. It’s just a nice-sounding phrase to put on the product description, alongside “rechargeable” and “waterproof”.

Maybe it’s because of social stigma, or because advertising to people who live at home or with roommates could be seen as advertising to people under 18, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a vibrator be advertised specifically for someone who lives with other people. The closest I’ve seen is the appropriately-named Whisperer, which is designed by and for new moms:

But even then, the main idea is that it’s designed as a gentle way to rediscover pleasure, not as a toy so discreet it won’t wake up a sleeping baby in the next room.

I have seen toys get labeled as “travel toys”. Now, I’ve always assumed “travel toy” meant it was small and quiet enough not to disturb roommates or parents, because how many people travel enough that they need a separate toy just for that purpose? And how many people need a toy when they travel? This could just be me, but I have zero sex drive on vacations, because I’m too tired from walking, shopping, and eating.

“But even then, there’s no standard definition of the term “travel toy”, and it could basically mean anything that’s not gigantic.
”

So, my conclusion here is two-pronged. First of all, don’t worry about your toys being loud, because I can almost guarantee you that no one else cares. Second of all, I do think toy companies should be more transparent about how loud their products are, and market toys as being appropriate for people who live with others.

Happy vibing!

Becky

Becky V is a Los Angeles native who loves indie bookstores, Broadway musicals, and a good cup of tea. She is passionate about sexual wellness and wants to make the world a better place one orgasm at a time!