How Old Do You Have to Be to Buy Sex Toys?

If you are a young person wondering if you can legally buy sex toys, we are here to help answer some questions for you. First, let’s lay out that we are U.S.-based researchers and writers, and much of the advice here will be geared to a U.S. audience. If we are not able to answer your questions, we urge you to check reliable sources in your country of origin.

The Legal Landscape

Many jurisdictions recognize 18 as the age of majority (when you become a legal adult). You would think this would mean that 18-year-olds can buy sex toys, but that’s not always the case. Alabama, Texas, and Mississippi have set 21 as the minimum age to legally buy sex toys. In these states, 18-year-olds can get married or go to war (or both!), but they can’t buy vibrators or “pocket pussies.” Additionally, at the time this goes to press, 37 states have set the age of consent at 16 or 17; this is apparently grown-up enough to have sex with other people but not to buy sex toys.

Why This Matters

Masturbation is the safest sex there is, and it’s always sex with someone you love. We believe that young people should be encouraged to explore their bodies and their sexuality in safe, healthy ways. Of course, sex toys aren’t necessary for masturbation — people have managed just fine without them for millennia — but these restrictions contribute to a culture of shame around masturbation in general and sex toys in particular.

We believe that this shaming does far more harm to young people than any rogue dildo could do. Among other issues, this makes it difficult to communicate boundaries and consent. There are also many documented benefits to masturbation:

• Masturbation (for people with penises) boosts immunity since ejaculating increases cortisol levels, which in small doses can help regulate the immune system.
• Masturbation (for people with uteruses) helps to relieve period pain.
• Masturbation helps you learn your own body and its responses, and this makes you a better sex partner when/if you choose to engage in partnered sex.
• Masturbation can improve your mood and your focus.
• Masturbation releases endorphins, oxytocin, dopamine, and other neurotransmitters that elevate mental well-being.

What (Older) Adults Can Do

We have written about the stigma around sex toys and sexual exploration, and it is more important than ever before to break the chains that could keep our young people from learning how to love themselves and others safely. We do this by treating sexuality and sex toys the same way as any other aspect of wellness — we should respect our privacy and that of others, but privacy is very different than shame. What we mean here is that we don’t need to talk specifically about our own solo, partnered, or assisted sex lives, but we do need to be open that sex is something that many adults enjoy in a healthy way, and sex toys are part of that.

We also need to ensure that sex education goes beyond the basics of reproductive biology. Many sexual health curricula don’t even mention the clitoris! Abstinence-only programs, which are mandated in 34 states, ignore sexual pleasure altogether across all genders. Even worse, only 19 states require that instruction around sexuality and sexual health be medically accurate.

We are not going to take a position on laws that restrict the purchase of sex toys, and we are definitely not going to suggest that anyone should break those laws, but we are going to say that we consider ignorance and the deliberate perpetuation of that ignorance to be far more dangerous to the next generation than some suggestively shaped silicone.

Happy vibing!

Maggie

Maggie Hart has written about sexual well-being and sexuality in society for quite a few years now. She is active in communities that celebrate sex for older adults.

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