Male Perineum Massage: A Beginner’s Guide

The male perineum, also fondly known as the “taint” (it ain’t the testicles and it ain’t the anus), sits between the scrotum and the anus.

In most people with perineums, this is a very sensitive area; it’s packed with nerve endings and the skin is also thin and sensitive. This means that massaging or otherwise stimulating the perineum can feel very good, but it can also go from very good to too much pretty quickly.

What Is the Male Perineum?

The perineum (in all genders) is the area between the pubic symphysis and the coccyx. In people with penises, it sits between the scrotum and the anus.

The perineal body is a fibromuscular mass that is a critical part of the pelvic floor and it includes the external anal sphincter, the bulbospongiosus muscle, the superficial transverse perineal muscle, anterior fibers of the levator ani, fibers from the external urinary sphincter, and the deep transverse perineal muscle. Functions associated with the perineum are the ejaculatory reflex, urination, and pleasurable sensations.

What Is the Prostate?

The prostate is not actually part of the perineal structure; however, pressure applied to the perineum in people with prostates can also stimulate the prostate. It is a walnut-sized gland situated between the bladder and the anterior wall of the rectum, and it creates seminal fluid.

The prostate is sometimes referred to as the P-spot and compared to the G-spot, since they are both highly sensitive and stimulation can lead to intense orgasms (and, both P-spot and G-spot orgasms can be elusive). Internal prostate massage is the best way for people with prostates to experience this, and perineal stimulation can be part of that.

Why Should I Stimulate My Perineum?

The perineal structure is part of the reproductive system and a very close neighbor to the genitals and anus. It is packed with blood vessels so stimulating the perineum increases blood flow to the surrounding regions, which promotes engorgement and erection strength. Additionally, the perineum is rich in sensitive nerve endings, so stimulation creates intense and arousing sensations.

We mentioned above that firm perineal massage in people with prostates is likely to also stimulate the prostate internally. Some people with prostates are able to orgasm (which can happen with or without erection and/or ejaculation) this way. There is speculation that prostate orgasms can benefit prostate health by draining seminal and other fluids from the prostatic ducts. Even without an orgasm, though, prostate and perineal stimulation can be very pleasurable and that is a good enough reason.

How to Prepare For a Perineum Massage?

Like any other kind of sex, it’s important to feel comfortable and relaxed. Enthusiastic, informed consent goes a long way towards this, so make sure that you and your partner have thoroughly discussed expectations and boundaries.

1. Talk Openly With Your Partner

People have been enjoying perineal, prostate, and anal play for as long as people have had perineums, prostates, and anuses. This is not a new concept, but it may be new to you and your partner and therefore deserves a discussion.

Nobody should have any kind of sex that they aren’t completely comfortable with, of course, and whether there should be or not, there is some stigma around “butt stuff.” Make sure that both you and your partner are genuinely open to and interested in this kind of play.

2. Educate Yourselves

If you are new to the idea of perineal massage, you should learn (both from reliable references and personal exploration) about the anatomy of the perineal structure and the sensations produced by perineal stimulation. This also includes learning how to do this safely, and we will address this next.

3. Be Safe

There are few real risks to external perineal stimulation; generally, a person’s body will let them know what is “too much” or “too rough.” External perineal massage can sometimes turn into internal prostate massage, and while there’s nothing wrong with letting nature take its course, internal exploration does require a few more precautions.

• Make sure that your fingernails are cut short and filed smooth. The tissue in this area is thin and we don’t want any tears or abrasions. Alternatively, you can wear disposable vinyl or latex gloves.
• Wash thoroughly (the giving partner’s hands and the receiving partner’s body) with mild soap and warm water before you get started here.
• Use plenty of good-quality lube — more on that below!

4. Get Your Gear Ready

Many folks enjoy using sex toys for perineal massage, and of course we here at My Sex Toy Guide heartily endorse this. Any toy from a reputable manufacturer or retailer will be safe for external use, but since perineal massage often turns into internal exploration, it’s a good idea to use toys designed for anal play.

This means that they should have a wide or flared base for safety, and they should be made from body-safe materials such as silicone, stainless steel, or borosilicate glass.

5. Empty Your Bowel and Bladder

This is pretty much common sense before any sexual activity, but you should be aware that perineal and/or prostate massage can make a person feel as if they need to void. This is normal (everything’s really close together down there!) but you’ll probably feel better knowing that you’re running on empty.

6. Relax and Get Comfortable

This is going to look different for everyone, but some suggestions include a warm bath (which also relaxes the muscles), deep breathing, and your favorite music or adult content. You can also engage in non-sexual touching to get your bodies in sync.

How to Give a Male Perineum Massage

The first rule is that there are no rules, outside of safety and consent. If this is new to either or both of you, it’s important to go over expectations and boundaries well ahead of time.

However, if you find yourselves exploring something that you didn’t get a chance to discuss, you should be sure to establish clear consent on both sides before going forward. You should also pay attention to each other’s verbal and non-verbal cues.

1. Use Lube

Apply lube generously to your fingers and to your partner’s body. Especially for perineal/anal play, too much is better than not enough.

• Water-based lube is safe for sex toys and condoms, and generally body-friendly, but will sometimes dry out too quickly.
• Oil-based lube or body-safe food-grade oils last longer but are not compatible with condoms and some sex toys.
• Silicone lube is another good choice but cannot be used with silicone sex toys.

2. Explore

Gently rub and caress the perineum and surrounding area with the tips of your index and middle fingers. Then apply light pressure by rubbing and stroking the perineum. When your partner indicates that they are ready, you can gradually apply firmer pressure.

3. Use Circular Motions

When you and your partner have determined the level of pressure that they enjoy, you can rotate your finger in a circular motion while maintaining the pressure. You can also use your other hand to stimulate their penis and testicles for additional pleasure.

4. Try Your Tongue

If you and your partner are comfortable with it, you can replace your fingers with your tongue. You may not be able to apply the same level of pressure, but it will be a different kind of stimulation. Pay attention to your partner’s cues and increase the action if it seems welcome.

5. Use a Vibrator

Using a small bullet or wand vibrator usually produces both external and indirect internal stimulation, which can feel very intense. Start out low and slow, because the perineum is extremely sensitive and many folks have never tried a vibrator there before so they don’t know what to expect.

It is wise to choose a sex toy with a wide or flared base in case you both decide that you’d like to explore internal stimulation as well as external. Toys for anal use need to have that kind of a base so that they don’t get stuck, and yes, this does happen.

6. Contract the Muscles

Encourage the receiving partner to contract and relax their pelvic muscles during the massage. This can move the prostate gland closer to the perineal structure, which makes it more easily accessible.

7. Perineum Vibration

This is an advanced technique that is best suited for people with experience in this kind of play, so you may want to keep it on the back burner the first few times. It is very intense, usually in a good way!

Clench your fist, hold it firmly against the perineum, and start vibrating your fist against the perineal wall. Do this for 30 seconds, and then twist your fist five turns. Repeat as desired.

8. Don’t Forget Aftercare

Perineal play can be intense both physically and emotionally. Take some time to come down and cuddle with your partner. Share your thoughts about what you enjoyed, what you didn’t enjoy as much, and what you might like to try next time.

Physical aftercare includes gently cleaning the area and applying coconut oil or aloe vera to soothe any micro tears or abrasions (any damage greater than micro should be assessed by a health care provider, who has certainly seen and heard it all before and will not be shocked or offended).

Best Perineum Stimulation Positions

You and your partner will determine what works best for you, of course, but the following positions are generally well suited for perineal massage.

1. Prone

1. The receiving partner lies face-down on the bed with legs slightly spread. The receiving partner can place a firm pillow under their hips for better access.
2. The giving partner kneels behind the receiving partner, between their legs.

2. Missionary

1. The receiving partner lies on their back with legs spread, and raises their knees to their chest in a crunch position. The receiving partner can place a firm pillow under their hips for support, and can support their legs with their arms.
2. The giving partner sits or kneels in front of the receiving partner, between their legs.

3. Spooning

1. The receiving partner lies on their side with their knees bent, curled in a half-moon position.
2. The giving partner lies on their side behind the receiving partner, facing the same direction.

4. Squatting

1. The receiving partner squats with legs spread. They can hold onto a very sturdy chair or other stable object for balance.
2. The giving partner lies underneath the receiving partner, between their legs.

Maggie Hart has written about sexual well-being and sexuality in society for quite a few years now. She is active in communities that celebrate sex for older adults.

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